Our Langkawi Holiday ~ 6 - 9 Sep 2011 (PART 2 of 2)

Our Langkawi Holiday ~ 6 - 9 Sep 2011 (PART 1 of 2)

Black Whale

In school now, I am going into all the P3 to P6 classes to get the children to know me and allow them to know that in school there is always someone whom they can turn to when in need. I'm mindful that among all the children, there will be some out there who will have a sad, inner story to share, some unhappy feelings that need healing, and some negative emotions that need reconciling. And my message to the children.. "Mrs Chiam is most willing to listen and understand your story'.

This is a short clip which I shared with the children. It reminds us how an act of a child can often be misunderstood by adults, and perhaps, how as adults, we need to really learn to see things from the child's perspectives.

Yule's art work

Since about 2 years old (or even earlier), Yule likes to doodle... perhaps also because of my training in art therapy, I have also encouraged free doodling since young to develop a means to express herself.

Lately, as she is still struggling to get used to the routines at child care, not comfortable about sleeping there etc, I also encouraged the use of art to express her frustration. It works! One of the day when she came back from child care, she was frustrated, seemed to have oppressed feelings the whole day, was throwing tantrums back home, and was constantly nagging and whining about not wanting to go child care. She even stood near at the window, looking out and talked to herself about not wanting to go child care. I was sad to see such a sight. Such a young child, and having such feeling of oppression is probably unbearable. To manage that, I took out the oil pastels and taught her to use different colours and strong strokes repeatedly to translate the frustration on the drawing paper. I stayed beside her to watch her (while Yuxi was sitting on my lap of course) and encouraged her to continue the process with minimum guidance from me. It works! At the end of that 15 minutes of heavy strokes, I did not see any trantrums, and neither the repeated whining 'I don't want to go child care' for that day.

Since Yule has my influence and is very much into art as a form of expression, I thought I should begin to record some of her 'art pieces' to record her milestones. And as in art therapy, its the process of engaging, fulfilment, creativity and emotional learning that matters.




One of her first drawings of 'potato' persons. This was drawn on the flight
back from New Zealand. Yule was 2 and half years old then.



A drawing done on the MRT ride with me to Funan Centre. She said she is drawing herself and Daddy holding hands. Dated 10/12/2010.

 

The use of oil pastels to release negative energy. Done in Jan 2011.

A recent drawing of family, on her little white board. This should be the first time she just randomly drew a family and really surprised us!

One of her proudest work! This was one time where I was busy with bathing baby etc, gave her her crayons and ask her to draw anything she wants, and there she drew our family playing hopscoth outdoor. Really delighted us with a first complete drawing.

Just a random silly collage piece. All I did was give her drawing paper, an unwanted brochure, glue and scissors and she just started cutting and gluing on her own. She's kinda proud of her final product though.

Another self-made silly collage piece, using cotton wool, colour paper, paper plate, scissors and glue. She said its a birthday cake she's making!





"Your baby has Eczema"

"Your baby has Eczema" is what the PD said to us on few days back. Sigh.... I can only give a long sigh... Just like Jie Jie, Yuxi also has Eczema, at 8 months old.

I know how frustrating this rough, itchy, dry, red patchy skin condition is like for the child and for the parents and caregivers. Yule had Eczema since birth.. we never get to use nice smelling bath soap for Yule since young, we spent a lot of money to see different doctors (PD, GP and Chinese Physician), we used many different type of moisturiser and treatment cream, we struggled to put the cream on and moisturiser for her since she was not always cooperative, we put up with her temper tantrums knowing that she could be frustrated due to the itch, we scratched her hands and legs for her so that she could sleep, we went for skin prick test to find out any allergies.. etc etc... the list goes on... the frustration remains, and the hope lingers.. that one day she will outgrow it...

So now, we found out that Yuxi also has eczema... there goes Yuxi's beautiful and fair skin...(hubby says at least she has beautiful skin for the past few months) there goes nice smelling bath soap and nice smelling moisturiser... money to buy expensive soap-free bath and moisturiser, time and patience to carefully apply these stuff for her to prevent any flare up...

While I'm kinda sad that Yuxi also has Eczema, I'm reminded to count my blessings... I have 2 healthy and beautiful girls. That is all that matter isn't it? Well, Daddy also says at least its economy of scale when the not-so-cheap bath soap and moituriser that we buy can be shared between the 2 sisters... Ha... see how Daddy never fails to delight me with his pragmatic perspectives, and the ability to reframe the situation.. =)

Little Yuxi with the eczema flare-up on her face.

Mummy knows best!

This is Yule 7th day at child care.. it was generally ok for Yule but it wasn't all smooth for the past few days..

Day 1 - Only tried half day and I was with Yule the whole time (from 9 am to 1 pm and I was so bored!!).. pretty ok, but kinda refused to eat the food (rice with fish soup and some vege, smells so nice but obviously does not entice Yule). I have to let the teacher know her picky habit and eat too much will puke syndrome, and she ate a bit after the teacher started feeding her.

Day 2 - Daddy stayed an hour with her, and she was there for another 2 hours on her own. Everything ok. Ate during lunch by herself.

Day 3 - Decided to try her for full day including napping there.. I was with her the first hour from 9am to 10am, she was uncomfortable that I had to go, but rest of the day turned out not too bad. The teacher accompanied her while she slept.

Day 4 - I left right after dropping her. She was happy and gave me a kiss voluntarily. When I rerturned to pick her at 4pm, the teacher (and even a few kiddos) told me Yule cried before sleep and after she woke up. The teacher had to carry her to sleep as she wept... poor thing...

Day 5 - It was a monday after a weekend. Yule started to say that she does not want to go child care. Sent her nonetheless... and in the evening, was told by the teacher again that she cried during nap time. Yule continued to say she does not want to go child care. Put her to sleep at night and comforted her.

Day 6 - The worse so far. Yule repeatedly said she does not want to go child care, began to cry as we were approaching the child care and cried hysterically when I was about to go. My heart sank. So poor thing... I picked her in the afternoon, as I have to send her to her pottery class, so she did not have to nap there, not too bad... spent the rest of the day talking and listening to her, and what she likes and dislikes about child care.

Yule said she wants to go child care but she does not want to sleep there. I figured out that she was scared about sleeping and feeling scared that teacher will scold. She kinda like some of the things going on there, birthday celebtations, goody bags, new friends, new experiences but in a dillemma whether she wants to child care or not as she does not want to sleep there! Quite funny actually!

Day 7 (today) - As I am typing now, I do not know how Yule is doing, but at least in the morning, she was much comforted when I let her bring the doggie soft toy along, and put in her bag a new jotter book and her box of crayons ( I thought about the jotter book and crayons only this morning, when she continued to say that she does not want to sleep at the child care and feeling scared) In her presence, I asked the teacher if Yule could ask for permission to stay awake and do her drawings if she can't fall asleep, teacher said yes and Yule felt much better.

So far so good! Thanks to mummy me! Kinda pride myself for 'Mummy knows best!' Also really pride myself for knowing how best to tune in to my child, listen to what her cries really mean and work with the school to help her cope with it... Ha! I am probably like the 'ideal parent' to work with if I am the school counsellor helping the child who refuses school!

Maybe I should not be too happy so early. Let's see what the teacher say or what Yule would say when she returns in the evening. Whatever it is, I am so glad to be able to be around this month to help Yule transit into a new routine. I am glad that I am trained and have the skills to listen to the needs of my own child.

Another thought - Its so tough to be a child care teacher!! Oh my goodness, the kind of thing they have to put up with! Not only do they take care of the child's learning, they take care of all the other needs - bathing, feeding, toliet training, sleeping, disciplining, classroom management, cleaning up after a child who pukes...and no lunch break! They eat what the kiddos eat! Oh man.. kudos to these teachers!

Child Care = Learning to let go?

At work, I had spent much time sharing with parents about the need to learn to let go (with limits of course) as their tweenies are slowly growing into teenagers, demanding more autonomy, freedom to make choices and decision, and the space to grow more and more independent. I have seen the consequences of parents not letting go, being too controlling and overbearing, how the teengers-to-be fight back, become rebellious, and even resort to self harm to manipulate... The key is really to teach children to how to become a responsible decision maker.

Now it's my turn to learn the first milestone of letting go... when my little 3 year-old turning 4 year-old is going to child care. I feel the naggy apprehension (perhaps read and heard too much of some horror stories of child care) about child care, yet hopeful about the potential benefits of child care. And I tend to think too much, become overly anxious and at times paranoid. I worry about her eczema, whether there will be more breakouts and whether the teachers will remember to apply moisturiser faithfully after bath for her; I worry about her feeding problem, whether she will refuse to eat whatever she doesn't like and end up puking and then go hungry; I worry about her nap, whether she could fall asleep there; I worry about her being too bossy and her trantrums, whether the teachers will complain about her; I worry if proper learning could take place in a child care environment; I worry if she'll have anything to do there if we were to send her early at 7am every morning; I also worry about her being restless and 'under control' with pent-up emotions over a long ten-hour period every day;  I worry this and worry that, and to the point of having my Irritable Bowel Syndrome again (it always happens when I'm feeling stressed)... Ah! So much for talking about learning to let go! Ha!

Today is Yule's second day at child care, while I'm feeling much anxieties, I told myself this is normal, I guess this is what many parents went through too. Step out and she will be less clingy... she will do fine, as any other children... this is what I am telling myself. (Of course, the other side of me also wants to be inside the child care to scrutinise what's going on in there!)

I should remain hopeful of the potential advantages of being in a child care, like better eating and sleeping habits, being more independent and better control of her temper tantrums.

Yes.. I should remain hopeful...

Last day...

Today is Yule's last day of school at JCCK.. and yesterday, the day where Yuxi turned 6 months old, was the last day of my pump... finally!

I'm happy for Yule who had really nice experiences in her one year at JCCK... making friends; and having best friend; learning new songs, new skills and new knowledge; learning to be more disciplined and all the cool outings to Marina Barrage and Duck Tour... and her solo performance during Children's Day and class performance today (the last day of school). Yes, we are so proud of you, Yule! You are really a quite a performer! I especially like to see your signature move on stage - shaking backside!!

What's even more wonderful is that I could be part of these new experiences, since I was very much around during the second half of this year, joining her in several school celebrations and activities... I am so thankful...

Last day also signify the beginning of something new... last day at JCCK means a new start at Child Care.. last day of my pump also means that work in school is starting and waiting for me... I am apprehensive. Will blog more on that.. now, just a showcase of some photos of Yule and her experiences in JCCK.

Lesson #3 A child's behaviour is a mirror of our own

Not too long ago I was upset with Yule's temper tantrums. I really disliked the way she would shout or scream when she was angry, and worse, when her screams were targeted at me! I couldn't stand the way she would glare like a defiant teenager, and used means words like 'I don't want you!'. These behaviour would really upset me.

Few days ago, hubby told me when I was angry I looked like that too! Its difficult to swallow the reality and I hate to admit it that sometimes I do flare up and I'm sure Yule would have seen the look on my face, and worse still, learned it!

A child's behaviour is indeed a mirror of our own. Its therefore so important to reflect and do our constant self-check. What type of a child we are raising, it is really up to ourselves!

Cute Yuxi

Little Yuxi is so irresistably cute now! Haha! I just love her big round eyes, little cutie mouth, big fat thighs and her contagious laughter! And I just love her shy demeanour where she will turn away her face or hide her face on my chest when someone teases her... or she will begin to pout her little mouth to show her displeasure.. all these just ascertain her mummy me as one of the exclusive few whom she feels secured with.. Just love it! hahaha!!

I remember asking myself when I was pregnant with Yuxi how do I learn to begin to love a second child if all my attention and energy had been given to the first-borned for the past 3 years? Will the second one receive the same amount of love and attention? When I was pregnant with Yuxi, I didn't really thought much about her yet, my thoughts were mainly if Yule would be able to accept the baby sister, would Yule feel neglected, would Yule this and would Yule that.... I was still worried if I would love the second child just as much..

Now I know the answer.. it just comes so naturally! Its was rather silly of me to even think about not being able to love the second child just as much! I think mothers are just equipped with the motherly powers to multiply our love, attention and energy!!

Me and the girls with the bouquet from daddy on
my birthday!



Little Yuxi at 5 months old... cute!!

 

This is how she always turns and looks at me when
I lie beside her... how not to give her a kiss??