Lesson #3 Learn to let go

These days, Yule seems to want to do everything on her own. Like bathing, drying herself using towel, applying moisturiser on herself, wearing her clothes, taking off her clothes, wearing her shoes, wearing socks, opening the fridge to search for food, feeding herself, washing her own dishes, wahsing her own shoes, taking the basket at NTUC, paying at the cashier when we buy things, opening and closing the door by herself, pressing the lift button... the list goes on and on...

Without doubt, Yule is at the stage of Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt, according to Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. It says "Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt".

We are defintely happy that Yule is growing and learning appropriate to her age. Certianly, it also seems that its geat that she is learning to do many things on her own now. But in fact, I believe those who have also gone through this stage of parenthood would agree with me that it does not necessary mean an easier time if our child is learning to do things on their own. It could actually mean more work, as we are battling with an assertive toddler, who wants to do things on her own, but not exactly the way we would want it, or as 'proper' as if we were to do it for her, or as fast as we would prefer it. On days where we just need to get things done fast to prepare to go out or to rush to do something, having to 'entertain' her and allow her to do things by herself can actually be quite annoying!

I realise I have to learn to move on together with her. By moving on, it would mean learning to let go, telling myself its ok that things may not always need to be 'properly' done. Perhaps that would mean less battling and certainly less frustration on my side!

Well well, nevertheless, it may still be easier said than done!

Our pretty Yule

Temperaments and Personality

We always make predictions of how Yule will be like when she is older based on observations of her personality traits now. For example, since Yule is always on-the-go, often impatient and has short attention span, Ah Ma and Por Por believe that Yule can't really sit still long enough to learn next time when she is in school. I am always wondering how much of the behaviours she is exhibiting are typical of toddlers' behaviours and how much it will provide clues to how she will be like when she grows up.

I read that there are nine traits to a toddler's temperament.
1. activity level
2. rhythmicity
3. approach - withdrawal
4. adaptability
5. persistence - attention span
6. intensity of reaction
7. distractibility
8. threshold of responsiveness
9. quality of mood.

Here's what I think of my little Yule's temperament and personality:
1. Activity Level describes the amount of physical movement during sleep and awake periods. Yule is efinitely full of energy. In fact, she appears like she'll never run out of energy. Sometimes she will do without her afternoon nap, and hardly appear cranky if there are things to do and games to play. Love the outdoors.

2. Rhythmicity refers to the regularity of functions like sleep or hunger. Yule is not quite predictable in this. She seems to be able to go without food and sleep if she is happily engaged. The only thing that is habitual is the morning milk she will always be crying for.

3. Approach - withdrawal refers to the initial response to a new situation or stimulus. Yule seeks new playmates, new exciting places. However, she is also cautious and wants someone to be with her, but quickly warms up to the new place/plymates if she knows that fun is awaiting her.

4. Adaptability refers to the ease or difficulty with which reactions can be modified. I would say she is pretty adaptable. I guess that's why people like her and find her adorable, as she eases into the company of people very easily. I hear comments made by friends, relatives, passerbys that seldom do they see a toddler who opens up to people so readily.

5. Persistence - attention span is a description of how long a child with stay at any given activity. Defintely a low for Yule. She can hardly sit still for 1 minute, even when the TV is on, unless is her favourite DVD programme. But wherever there is a familiar tune on TV, she will jump from the sofa and start to dance and jump. Lately, she is very much into Play-Doh, which at least can keep her occupied for a while.

6. Intensity of reaction refers to the energy level of the response that is typical for the child. I would think its pretty high. She can be so super sensitive and sweet, yet so super wilful and stubborn, and can be dramatic at times. Sometimes, we even call her the 'Drama Queen'!

7. Distractibility refers to how much or how little extraneous stimuli is needed to interfere with an ongoing activity. Yule is highly distractable, mostly to people and things happening around her.

8. Threshold of responsiveness refers to how intense a stimulus needs to be to evoke a response from a child. Yule doesn't require an intense stimulus to evoke a response, which is why she is highly and easily excitable from anything. Her dramatic movements include the endearing and excited behaviours when she sees us return home. She jump and run, pull and tug and exclaim how much she misses us!

9. Quality of mood refers to the general tone of the child’s responses and behaviors. Yule is always happy, loves attention, and loves praises and loves new challenges and, above all, loves to win!


All in all... this is how I would describe Yule's temperaments and personality now:
- Highly energetic, loves to be part of any action
- Loves to be the centre of attention, so loves to show off!
- Highly competitive, always want to win
- As a result, very kiasu!
- Very cautious when it comes to new experiences, don;t really dare to try unless being accompanied
- Can be stubborn sometimes
- But can also be super sweet and follow our instructions
- Loves the outdoor
- Loves to be with the gor gors and jie jies at the playground and can be so super friendly that she encounters rejection!
- Can't be independent... always stick to any one of us like super glue... follow whereever we go, even in the house.
- But when it comes to little tasks, she wants to do them on her own and demand praises after that!

I guess few years down, it may be interesting to look back to this list to note how much are these the same or different.