Child Care = Learning to let go?

At work, I had spent much time sharing with parents about the need to learn to let go (with limits of course) as their tweenies are slowly growing into teenagers, demanding more autonomy, freedom to make choices and decision, and the space to grow more and more independent. I have seen the consequences of parents not letting go, being too controlling and overbearing, how the teengers-to-be fight back, become rebellious, and even resort to self harm to manipulate... The key is really to teach children to how to become a responsible decision maker.

Now it's my turn to learn the first milestone of letting go... when my little 3 year-old turning 4 year-old is going to child care. I feel the naggy apprehension (perhaps read and heard too much of some horror stories of child care) about child care, yet hopeful about the potential benefits of child care. And I tend to think too much, become overly anxious and at times paranoid. I worry about her eczema, whether there will be more breakouts and whether the teachers will remember to apply moisturiser faithfully after bath for her; I worry about her feeding problem, whether she will refuse to eat whatever she doesn't like and end up puking and then go hungry; I worry about her nap, whether she could fall asleep there; I worry about her being too bossy and her trantrums, whether the teachers will complain about her; I worry if proper learning could take place in a child care environment; I worry if she'll have anything to do there if we were to send her early at 7am every morning; I also worry about her being restless and 'under control' with pent-up emotions over a long ten-hour period every day;  I worry this and worry that, and to the point of having my Irritable Bowel Syndrome again (it always happens when I'm feeling stressed)... Ah! So much for talking about learning to let go! Ha!

Today is Yule's second day at child care, while I'm feeling much anxieties, I told myself this is normal, I guess this is what many parents went through too. Step out and she will be less clingy... she will do fine, as any other children... this is what I am telling myself. (Of course, the other side of me also wants to be inside the child care to scrutinise what's going on in there!)

I should remain hopeful of the potential advantages of being in a child care, like better eating and sleeping habits, being more independent and better control of her temper tantrums.

Yes.. I should remain hopeful...

Last day...

Today is Yule's last day of school at JCCK.. and yesterday, the day where Yuxi turned 6 months old, was the last day of my pump... finally!

I'm happy for Yule who had really nice experiences in her one year at JCCK... making friends; and having best friend; learning new songs, new skills and new knowledge; learning to be more disciplined and all the cool outings to Marina Barrage and Duck Tour... and her solo performance during Children's Day and class performance today (the last day of school). Yes, we are so proud of you, Yule! You are really a quite a performer! I especially like to see your signature move on stage - shaking backside!!

What's even more wonderful is that I could be part of these new experiences, since I was very much around during the second half of this year, joining her in several school celebrations and activities... I am so thankful...

Last day also signify the beginning of something new... last day at JCCK means a new start at Child Care.. last day of my pump also means that work in school is starting and waiting for me... I am apprehensive. Will blog more on that.. now, just a showcase of some photos of Yule and her experiences in JCCK.

Lesson #3 A child's behaviour is a mirror of our own

Not too long ago I was upset with Yule's temper tantrums. I really disliked the way she would shout or scream when she was angry, and worse, when her screams were targeted at me! I couldn't stand the way she would glare like a defiant teenager, and used means words like 'I don't want you!'. These behaviour would really upset me.

Few days ago, hubby told me when I was angry I looked like that too! Its difficult to swallow the reality and I hate to admit it that sometimes I do flare up and I'm sure Yule would have seen the look on my face, and worse still, learned it!

A child's behaviour is indeed a mirror of our own. Its therefore so important to reflect and do our constant self-check. What type of a child we are raising, it is really up to ourselves!

Cute Yuxi

Little Yuxi is so irresistably cute now! Haha! I just love her big round eyes, little cutie mouth, big fat thighs and her contagious laughter! And I just love her shy demeanour where she will turn away her face or hide her face on my chest when someone teases her... or she will begin to pout her little mouth to show her displeasure.. all these just ascertain her mummy me as one of the exclusive few whom she feels secured with.. Just love it! hahaha!!

I remember asking myself when I was pregnant with Yuxi how do I learn to begin to love a second child if all my attention and energy had been given to the first-borned for the past 3 years? Will the second one receive the same amount of love and attention? When I was pregnant with Yuxi, I didn't really thought much about her yet, my thoughts were mainly if Yule would be able to accept the baby sister, would Yule feel neglected, would Yule this and would Yule that.... I was still worried if I would love the second child just as much..

Now I know the answer.. it just comes so naturally! Its was rather silly of me to even think about not being able to love the second child just as much! I think mothers are just equipped with the motherly powers to multiply our love, attention and energy!!

Me and the girls with the bouquet from daddy on
my birthday!



Little Yuxi at 5 months old... cute!!

 

This is how she always turns and looks at me when
I lie beside her... how not to give her a kiss??

Cheers

Yuxi did a complete flip today, at 5 months 1 week old. She managed to flip from back to her tummy (though her left arm gets stuck under her sometimes) and flip back to her back again.

What is memorable is not that she had achieved one of the milestones today, but the excited cheers that accompanied the 'moment'.... Yule and I was all excited and we go... "YEAHHHHHH!", "YOU DID IT!", "YAHOOOOO!", "WELL DONE!", "YIPEEE!" We did a hi-fi and Yule was like doing her usual shaking backside in 'celebration' of her mei mei's achievment!

What a cute moment, and what a cute jie jie and what a cute little baby...

A little joy of the mother  of 2...

Weaning

Just when I am thinking or rather asking myself if I should wean Yuxi off breastmilk, I saw the manic mummy column by Clara Chow on My Paper today. I have always enjoyed reading her column, and now this article aptly describes how I feel about weaning. Just like Clara Chow, my decision to wean wasn't a straightforward one.

Yuxi is now 5 months and 1 week old, and I have been exclusively expressing milk for the past few months since she was 4 days old. Seriously, I don't enjoy the pumping milk experience, being stucked in the same position for at 15 to 20mins (in the early days, it was 30 mins to an hour plus alot of pain and tears!) a few times in a day. Always having to plan ahead what time I need to pump, and where I might be (for eg. if I am going out and may miss a pumping session, I'll have to pump before I go out, and pump again after I return, or reschedule my 'outing' so to fit my pumping schedule). Also bringing along my pump if I'm out for extended hours. Storage of milk is also another hassle. I have to make sure wherever I go, I need to store my milk in refrigerator, or warm up the milk first and put in warmer bag if Yuxi is due for feeding soon. Otherwise, will have to pack formulae millk along. Also worrying about maintaining supply, increasing pumping session when supply dips... Not forgetting all the pump parts, storage bottles, drinking bottles that I have to wash and sterilise A FEW TIMES EVERYDAY.

I guess the worse thing about expressing milk is that sometimes I ended up making my children wait for me while I pump. Sometimes Yuxi will give me the oh-so-poor-thing look and please-carry-me cries hoping that I can pick her up while she lies beside me, but I have to tell her 'Oh give mummy a while more ok, mummy is pumping milk!' Sometimes, I also got Yule to 'look after' Yuxi while I retreat to the room to pump. (This not exactly bad, as she learns to be a responsible jie jie.) And also the late night pumps.. many nights, I wished I could just sleep with my baby in bed, but I have to make sure I get up to have a final pump before I sleep. Likewise in the morning.. my mornings are always so busy as I have to feed, pump, bathe baby within 2 hours before she gets tired again for her morning nap.

Despite these complaints that I have, I am proud that I have done it! Not a remarkably glorious result slip that I have produced, compared to many mummies who have done it for many months and beyond 1 or even 2 years. Kudos to these mummies! Though my 6 months is nothing compared to them, I am glad that I can say I really did it despite my initial target of only 3 months, after my horrible bf experience with Yule that gave me such a phobia! And I am so proud that Yuxi is now a very fair and chubby baby weighing 8kg! Thanks to my breastmilk! It is precisely because Yuxi is growing so well.. she is now a typical baby who is 白白胖胖.I am happy what my breastmilk has offered for her, thus I was torn whether I should continue to do this pumping business.

Nevertheless, I have decided to stop. Yuxi is taking her occasional formulae milk well, and even her semi solids well. I am about to return to work. I can't continue to pump while at work, I also wouldn't want to rush around after work to get home to pump, as I will probably have to pick up Yule from childcare as well. I also don't like the idea that I have to wake up before 6am to pump in the morning so that there's time to get ready for work. This is the timely moment to wean.

The good news? Finally, I can pick up my baby whenever she cries. Finally, I can sleep at 9pm with my baby. Finally I have more time to myself and my children. Finally, I can stop thinking what time I need to pump.. and finally, I can stop washing all the pump parts and bottles A FEW TIMES EVERYDAY. And now, I don't have to worry what am I to do if I am still pumping milk while holidaying at resorts world in Dec, and what am I to do to make sure my supply stays after I return to work.

Interestingly, my supply dips after I begin to think about weaning. My breastpump is also losing its suction power... maybe its really signaling me that its about time... making it easier for me to make this decision to wean.... in perhaps one more week's time, I will reduce my pumping session from 3 to 2 times a day. Then I will start to use the frozen milk in the freezer. When all the milk finishes, Yuxi would probably be already 6 months old. I can only say I'm so proud of these 6 months.

Without the people around me, I wouldn't have made it this far. My mother-in-law and mother who would help to 'jaga' the kids if I have to pump.. also Yule, who despite asking me irritating questions and scrutinising me while I'm having my private pumping session, has been really nice to help me 'entertain' Yuxi while I pump... and my hubby who sees me through the difficult early days of blocked ducts, fever, low morale and tears.. and keeping me company at night watching movies while I pump despite being tired at work.. also my friends who are breastfeeding or breastfed before who gave me encouragement, inspiration and an example to follow.

Manic Mummy Column in My Paper on 25 Oct 2010

Everything is MINE!

I'm trying to understand the emotional conflicts Yule is going through after Yuxi's arrival. While she adores her baby sister very much and readily accepts her as part of the family, she is also very fearful of losing both tangible and intangible items to the sister, like her favourite toys, gifts and our attention. Despite having to deal with such unpleasant feelings, Yule is also very scared of losing her baby sister. She has this thinking that when others look at Yuxi or wants to carry her, they will also take her away! So its actually quite interesting to see her going through the emotional ups and downs as a way of learning to be a big sister.

Recently, a grandma of Yule's classmate gave baby Yuxi a pair of handmade knitted shoes, and Yule got pretty upset about it and demanded that the pair of shoes is hers. After I told her that the pair of shoes is meant for Yuxi, and explained that some things are for Yule, some things are for Yuxi while others are meant to be shared. She said 'No! Everything is MINE!' I tried to explain to her about feeling insecure and feeling jealous. I told her that she is probably feeling jealous and explained to her what it means, like she is scared that people look at Yuxi and sing praises of Yuxi, or take photos of Yuxi. She agreed with me and even said 'I'm scared that nobody wants to play with me'. I wanted to laugh! It takes quite a bit of emotional intelligence from a 3 year old to be able to speak like that! At least her emotional literacy is quite good... thanks to her counsellor mummy!

Eventually, Yule will have to learn that while love can be plentiful, attention still needs to be shared. Not easy for her since she had ALL the attention for the past 3 years. Can't expect her to understand her own conflicting emotions, let alone reconciling the conflicts within her. Can only continue to provide her the assurance and allow her opportunities to show care and ocncern towards Yuxi.

At least I'm glad that for now she really adores her meimei.



Yule looking after Yuxi while we get
 busy with other chores



'Watch meimei! Don't choke her!'



Wedding

Attending a wedding function is never the same when bringing both kiddos along. My goodness, I think other than the bride and the groom, I was like THE most busy person in the ballroom. This was what happened in a span of 5 hours from the time we left the house to the hotel and back home... not even including what I had to do in the morning to get the two princessess bathed, fed and dressed up...

12pm - Left the house.. Fed Yuxi in car and she fell asleep after her feed, then 'entertained' Yule in car.
1245pm - Reached hotel... Yuxi still sleeping in her stroller, while Yule whining to be carried to see the bride at the reception area... then brought Yule to the toilet
1pm - Went into ballroom.. sat down.. didn't have chance to ask waiter for a drink and Yuxi woke up and she wanted to be out of  the stroller... so carried her out of ballroom for a walk while daddy 'entertained' Yule in the ballroom
130pm - Carried Yuxi back into ballroom and photo montage begins.. put Yuxi on my lap.. I carried Yuxi while daddy carried Yule during the march-in
145pm - First dish. Started eating with Yuxi on my lap.
2pm - Second dish, shark's fins.. yuxi making noise, carried her out of ballroom again
215pm - I came back to the ballroom, ate my shark's fins with yuxi on my lap... also ate the third dish, prawns, after daddy peeled them for me.. passed Yuxi to daddy
230pm - Daddy noticed yuxi pooped! Immediately, I carried her out with my big diaper bag (super unglam, I was wearing long dress somemore).. and seeing me walked out again, Yule cried out very loudly.. mummy mummy, I want to go! and cried...sigh, told her I'll be back quickly and walked out.
235pm - I went out of the ballroom and asked a hotel staff if there was any baby changing room.. was told NO! Walked around looking for a place for me to put Yuxi down to change her.. was about to walk to Marina Square (we were at Pan Pacific Hotel) Luckily a hotel staff was nice enough to lead me to a room which was set up for a workshop. I then placed Yuxi on the table which was meant for a projector!  Got her change and prepared milk for her.
250pm - I walked back to the ballroom with Yuxi and daddy took over to feed Yuxi.
3pm - Yule said she needed to go to the toilet.. once again I left the ballroom to bring her to the toilet.
305pm - Back into the ballroom. Seeing that I was not carrying Yuxi, Yule took the chance to stick to me. We played with baby Faith who was also at the same table with us. Yule was playing peek-a-boo with her while I took some pictures of them.
320pm - We decided that we got to leave soon for Yule's ballet class. Brought Yule to the toilet again.
330pm - Left the ballroom before the last dessert dish.
340pm - Back in car, and Yuxi was sleeping. Yule was tired, and asked me to tell her a story so she could sleep. Started telling her a story.
4pm - Yule fell asleep on my shoulders in the car.
415pm - Reached our carpark. Woke Yule up and daddy carried her home quickly to change her into her ballet attire while I walked Yuxi back home.
430pm - Reached home and wanted to get ready my breastpump, but Yuxi woke up. Carried her and rocked her.
5pm - Yuxi fell asleep. I settled down to pump. FINALLY....

After that I realised I really never ate much at the wedding since I was walking in and out so many times and was hungry and very thirsty. Called daddy who brought Yule to her ballet class to buy me 2 char siew baos.

A long and tiring day.... but we made it!

Our family pic at Zifa and Germaine's wedding on 18 Sept 2010

Candy floss

I brought Yule to my school's annual mid-autumn festival. Yule has been there with me every year for the past few years I was working in the school. The first time she was there, she was only 5 months old, then at 1 plus, then 2 plus and this year at 3 plus. She actually remembered that last year she had candy floss during the event and asked for it again this year. I didn't see what's wrong and queued up to exchange a coupon for candy floss for her.  

When she was eating her candy floss (it wasn't the super big one... just a small fluffy floss), I receievd two comments one after the other "Oh, you actually allow her to eat candy floss?" and "Oh, I never let my son eat such thing." I just came a shrug and a smile to the comments... but the comments didn't fail to make me feel bad and guilty for the next few days.

It sets me thinking.. oh no, what have I been feeding my girl? Both literally and metaphorically. I've also been quite bothered about the things she's exposed to as she picks up things so quickly, both the good and the bad. Bad languages, bad gestures, morbid themes on TV etc... but have I done enough to make sure these are maintained at the minimum level? I can't control all the things she's exposed to.. excuses or not trying hard enough? Sigh... guilty mummy...

The candy floss incident bothered me for a few days until Daddy said something which made me feel a little better, though not in response to the same incident... at the end of the day, all these do not matter, they will still grow up... simple truth... they will still grow up... let go of the unimportant things... not to ignore them totally but I guess I shouldn't let small matters like candy floss bother me too much... what's with a candy floss once or twice a year?? Yes! Move on lah mummy...

So do you allow your pre-schooler to eat candy floss?

Daily dose of laughter

Undeniably, when it comes to playfulness, Daddy will be the more playful parent. Yuxi seems to know that she will have her daily dose of laughter when Daddy comes home in the evening. She will eagerly look at Daddy and laugh repeatedly when Daddy makes some silly sounds or ticklish acts. So cute... can melt one's heart just looking at her =)